Spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it all, right away, every time. Something more will arise for later, something better. These things fill from behind, from beneath, like well water.
[Annie Dillard]

Slavoj Žižek (Slovenian Marxist theorist and activist) understands you. In answer to the question, “What does love feel like?” he said:

“Like a great misfortune, a monstrous parasite, a permanent state of emergency that ruins all small pleasures.”